you never really think to what your words can mean. what simple words can do to a heart.
that was me. i was a care free boy, i never thought before i spoke. each word that escaped my lips meant nothing to me. every word that meant anything to me was kept behind my lips. i didn't dare speak of what i felt. that would mean i was weak. right?
growing up there was always this girl. we had been in school together for practically since i can remember. she was just always there. i always teased her for countless reason, but they meant nothing. nothing to me. i never exactly questioned the fact if they hurt her. because for so long as i saw it did not hurt her.
growing up my words got more harsh. my vocabulary expanded. i learned of my hurtful words yet they still meant nothing to me. just simple things i would say. and maybe as i grew my actions became a little more violent. not bad, like any growing boy. i didn't know how to show i didn't like someone or if i did like someone. and still as i became older i still picked on her. i don't know why. i guess just a dirty habit i had formed over the years. i didn't think it was bad.
over the past year i have noticed something about her. her eyes lost there shine. her smile was no longer strong and confident. she seemed weak. broken. every time her eyes would wander upon me fear would fill her glance. causing confusion to fill me. i never exactly guessed i was the cause of her misery. but i should have. it would have been smart. maybe i could have stopped.
every morning my blank grey eyes would meet the pale light of my room. the sun had begun to rise earlier due to the fact winter was upon us. the air in my room was icy on my face, my fan spun wildly as if trying to escape. throwing an arm free from the warmth of my covers the air met my skin ruthlessly. pushing my lanky frame from my bed i wandered about my room in only a pair of flannel pants. turning off my fan warmth began to invade my room. thankfully i let out a heavy sigh. going into the bathroom across the hall i showered and did my daily routine.
returning to my room, now thankfully warm. i changed into jeans and a plain brown tshirt. wandering around for a few minutes i located my hoodie, throwing it over i glanced around my room a final time. putting on my shoes i grabbed my backpack and headed down the stairs. entering the kitchen my mother turned to me with a wide smile. " good morning, trent " she called softly. her rich southern accent soaked her words. she had been from louisiana before we moved up north, correction i was born there. walking over to my 5'3 mother, my tall 6'2 frame i bent down and kissed her on the cheek. smiling at her i gave a chuckle and a little half smile. running my hand through my hair i picked up the cup of coffee she made me. sucking it down. i smiled and turned to my mom again. " i am going to catch the bus, see you later mom, love you " i called softly in the warm house. walking to the front down i yanked open the door. and a gust of cold air met my face. shivering slightly i stepped outside.
the ground was covered in a fine layer of snow. everything coated in a soft white layer. this made a soft smile touch my lips. suddenly a vibration came from my pocket. jumping slightly i reached in and pulled out my phone. replying to the message i slipped it back in my pocket. walking slowly down the driveway the cold slowly sinking in. i shivered and bit my lip casually. shifting my feet i glanced down the road and heard the roar of the large yellow bus. shoving my hands in my pockets i chuckled to myself. always on time. always.
as the large yellow bus screeched to a stop before me the old door flung open. climbing the stair with ease i gave a small nod to the bus driver and wandered towards the back. throwing my backpack into the seat followed by my body. i sighed and shivered. glancing up i looked around i was one of the very first stops on the route. the bus lunged forward and we headed on down the road towards our next stop. crossing my arms over my chest i let my head fall back. hearing the soft mumble of other students on the bus i tried to listen in on a conversation but the bus itself was too noisy. suddenly the bus flung to a stop. raising my head i glanced around. just then a girl appeared at the front. it was her.
her eyes so sad as they glanced around the half way empty bus. we were all assigned seat on this bus and her seat was right in front of mine. great. watching her slim form wander to the back of the bus. i tried to catch her sad eyes before she threw herself into the seat before me. yet she refused. leaning back into my seat with a casual sigh. i shifted awkwardly. i wanted to speak yet i could find no words for her. but out of my control i reached forward and tapped her gently on the shoulder. " hey " i spoke softly. my voice low and gentle.
maybe now i would let my words mean something.
maybe i could comfort a bruised heart.