Conte De Fées

Alice in wonderland

Oh, you wicked, wicked little thing! Really, Dinah ought to have taught you better
manners! Now, don't interrupt me! I'm going to tell you all your faults. Number one: you
squeaked twice while Dinah was washing your face this morning. Now you can't deny it,
Kitty; I heard you. Number two: you pulled Snowdrop away by the tail just as I had put down
the saucer of milk before her. Now for number three: you unwound every bit of worsted
while I wasn't looking! That's three faults, Kitty, and you've not been punished for any of
them yet. You know I'm saving up all your punishments for Wednesday week. Suppose they
had saved up all my punishments! What would they do at the end of a year? I should be sent
to prison, I suppose, when the day came.

--

Kitty, can you play chess? Now don't smile, my dear, I'm asking it seriously.
Because, when we were playing just now, you watched just as if you understood it; and when
I said "Check!" you purred! Well, it was a nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if
it hadn't been for that nasty Knight that came wriggling down among my pieces. Kitty dear,
let's pretend that you're the Red Queen! Do you know, I think if you sat up and folded your
arms, you'd look exactly like her. Now do try, there's a dear! You're not folding your arms
properly. I'll just hold you up to the looking glass and you can see how sulky you are! (She
does so.) And if you're not good directly, I'll put you through into Looking glass House. How
would you like that? Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, I'll tell you all my ideas about Looking
glass House. First, there's the room you can see through the glass ... that's just the same as our
drawing-room, only the things go the other way. Oh, Kitty, how nice it would be if we could
only get through into Looking glass House! I'm sure it's got, oh, such beautiful things in it!
Let's pretend there's a way of getting through into it somehow, Kitty.

--

Why, how impolite of him. I asked him a civil question, and he pretended
not to hear me. That's not at all nice. [Calling after him] I say, Mr. White Rabbit, where are
you going? Hmmm. He won't answer me. And I do so want to know what he is late for. I
wonder if I might follow him. Why not? There's no rule that I mayn't go where I please. I--I
will follow him. Wait for me, Mr. White Rabbit. I'm coming, too! [Falling] How curious. I
never realized that rabbit holes were so dark . . . and so long . . . and so empty. I believe I
have been falling for five minutes, and I still can't see the bottom! Hmph! After such a fall as
this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs. How brave they'll all think me at home.
Why, I wouldn't say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how
many miles I've fallen by this time. I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth.
I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny that would be. Oh, I think I see the
bottom. Yes, I'm sure I see the bottom. I shall hit the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it
will hurt!

Hello

As soon as Wolf began to feel
That he would like a decent meal,
He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
When Grandma opened it, she saw
The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
And Wolfie said, 'May I come in?'
Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
'He's going to eat me up!' she cried.
And she was absolutely right.
He ate her up in one big bite.
But Grandmamma was small and tough,
And Wolfie wailed, 'That's not enough!
'I haven't yet begun to feel
'That I have had a decent meal!'
He ran around the kitchen yelping,
'I've got to have another helping!'
Then added with a frightful leer,
'I'm therefore going to wait right here
'Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood
'Comes home from walking in the wood.'
He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,
(Of course he hadn't eaten those.)
He dressed himself in coat and hat.
He put on shoes and after that
He even brushed and curled his hair,
Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.
In came the little girl in red.
She stopped. She stared. And then she said,

'What great big ears you have, Grandma.'
'All the better to hear you with,' the Wolf replied.
'What great big eyes you have, Grandma,' said Little Red Riding Hood.
'All the better to see you with,' the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled.
He thought, I'm going to eat this child.
Compared with her old Grandmamma
She's going to taste like caviare.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said,
'But Grandma, what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.'

'That's wrong!' cried Wolf. 'Have you forgot
'To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?
'Ah well, no matter what you say,
'I'm going to eat you anyway.
The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pistol from her knickers.
She aims it at the creature's head
And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.
A few weeks later, in the wood,
I came across Miss Riding Hood.
But what a change! No cloak of red,
No silly hood upon her head.
She said, 'Hello, and do please note
'My lovely furry WOLFSKIN COAT.