Kitsune of Shadow Clan

[Kitsune]

Character Name: Kitsune

Character Age: 7 Moons

Gender: Tom/male

Alliance: Shadow Clan

Rank:Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Kitsune is a Blue Tabby with a grey pelt. White laces the course fur of this male, and he has dimmed amethyst eyes. Kitsune has a fox-like persona and face, with long black whiskers and a set of white paws. His tail and ears are tipped white as well, the only unusual color being his eyes and whiskers. This male has course, yet long fur, and no marks of battle to prove on his body as of yet. His claws are long, though when retracted they are barely peaking from his paws. There is a tuft of white fur on his chest and ears. Kitsune's body is small, but not unhealthy or disproportionately so. 


Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):  Kitsune can be impatient with others, and can be overly critical of them, but he is indeed loyal to the Warrior Code. Calm until heavily provoked, this tom has a secret admiration for the arts. To those he respects and cares for, he is affectionate. He can be a cunning and agile figure, similar to the nature of a fox(His namesake) and is very egotistical.  Ever since he learned of his mother's killer, he has begun to grow bitter towards older cats. He is this way towards them because he believes that they had kept the information from him. Also, Kitsune is known to be very shy when meeting kind people because he is at a loss on how to act.
---Likes (at least 3): Kitsune loves formalities, the arts, and engaging in battles.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): He holds a distaste for elders, other males, and dead silence.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): He holds strong ability in agility and strength, as well as having intelligence in battles.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): There are a few things that weaken his resolve, however. These things are his clan, anyone's talk of family, and unexpected kindness.

History (8 or more sentences): Starting as a kit, Kitsune was hassled because of his namesake, the fox. Ignorant cats though him to be in alliance with said animals, and his parents were thrown from the clan; however, he was kept as a.. 'present' to the clan. His mother fought for him and was killed by one of the various stronger cats.
As an apprentice, Kitsune was led by a warrior that was found later to be the murderer of his mother. After the initial grief, he has had a tense atmosphere with the rest of the clan. In general, most try to ignore him. Now, Kitsune is a warrior for his clan, fighting to prove his worth in the world. He aspires to start his own clan, knowing the idea is far-fetched for someone like him.
Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Kitsune took careful steps into the camp, the soft sounds of paws padding and foliage rustling. At the distant sound of another, perhaps an enemy, he stopped to drop into a defensive stance.
"Show yourself, or I will be forced to attack." With no answer, Kitsune placed a white paw before him, stalking around the tree in a wide circle. "I suppose certain suicide is on your list-to-do?" When he finally spotted the cat, he froze in fear and wonder. It's been so long... so very long, and he had thought...
"Father?"

Comments (optional):

[Dragons101 and Trainer Green]

Character Name: Kitsune

Character Age: 7 Moons

Gender: Tom/male

Alliance: Shadow CLan

Rank: (Pending to be Deputy, though currently a warrior.)

Appearance (6 or more sentences): A Blue Tabby with a grey-ish pelt. White laces the coarse fur of this male, and dimmed amethyst eyes . Kitsune has a fox-like persona and face, with long black whiskers and a set of white paws. His tail and ears are tipped white as well, the only unnusual color being his eyes and whiskers. This male has coarse, yet long fur, and no marks of battle to prove, as of yet, on his body. His claws are long, though when retracted are barely peeking from his paws. Lastly, there is a tuft of white fur on his chest.


Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): Impatient with others, and can be overly critical of them, but loyal to the Warrior Code. Calm until heavily provoked, this tom has a secret admiration for the arts. To those he respects and cares for, he is affectionate. He can be a cunning and agile figure, similar to the nature of a fox. (His namesake.) He is very egotistical.
---Likes (at least 3): Formalities, arts, battles.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): Other males, human life, elders.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Agility, intelligence, and strength.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): His clan, talk of family, unexpected kindness.

History (8 or more sentences): Starting as a kit, Kitsune was hassled because of his namesake, the fox. Ignorant cats though him to be in alliance with said animals, and his parents were thrown from the clan; however, he was kept as a.. 'present' to the clan. His mother fought for him and was killed by one of the various stronger cats.
As an apprentice, Kitsune was lead by a warrior that was found later to be the murderer of his mother. After the initial grief, he has had a tense atmosphere with the rest of the clan. In general, most try to ignore him. Now, Kitsune is a warrior for his clan, fighting to prove his worth in the world. He aspires to start his own clan, knowing the idea is far-fetched for someone like him.
Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Kitsune took careful steps into the camp, the soft sounds of paws padding and foliage rustling. At the distant sound of another, perhaps an enemy, he stopped to drop into a defensive stance.
"Show yourself, or I will be forced to attack." With no answer, Kitsune placed a white paw before him, stalking around the tree in a wide circle. "I suppose certain suicide is on your list-to-do?" When he finally spotted the cat, he froze in fear and wonder. It's been so long... so very long, and....he thought...
"Father?"

Comments (optional):

Hey there!

Your bio is looking great. However, you have a couple of mistakes that are very simple to fix. First, your cat can never be deputy, except having the leader ask you personally. You need to make your sentences full sentences not fragments. Also, you have some capitalization errors. You need a couple more sentences in personality and appearance. You also have a couple of grammatical errors.

Thanks in advance!

Bump when you have finished.

[Kitsune]

I edited it. Thank you for your help.

[bruno.]

(click to show/hide)

Character Name: Kitsune

Character Age: 7 Moons

Gender: Tom/male

Alliance: Shadow Clan

Rank: Deputy of Rogues and Kit Stealers

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Kitsune is a Blue Tabby with a grey pelt. White laces the coarse fur of this male, and he has dimmed amethyst eyes. Kitsune has a fox-like persona and face, with long black whiskers and a set of white paws. His tail and ears are tipped white as well, the only unnusual color being his eyes and whiskers. This male has coarse, yet long fur, and no marks of battle to prove, as of yet, on his body. His claws are long, though when retracted are barely peeking from his paws. There is a tuft of white fur on his tuft and ears. Kitsune's body is small, yet not unhealthily or disproportionately so. 


Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):  Kitsune can be impatient with others, and can be overly critical of them, but loyal to the Warrior Code. Calm until heavily provoked, this tom has a secret admiration for the arts. To those he respects and cares for, he is affectionate. He can be a cunning and agile figure, similar to the nature of a fox. (His namesake.) Kitsune is very egotistical. Ever since he learned of his mother's killer, he has started to grow bitter towards older cats. He is bitter towards older ones because he figures that they kept the information from him.
---Likes (at least 3): Kitsune loves formalities, the arts, and engaging in battles.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): He holds a distaste for elders, other males, and dead silence.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Agility, intelligence, and strength. He holds strong ability in Agility and strength, as well as having intelligence in battles.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): His clan, talk of family, unexpected kindness There are a few things that weaken his resolve, however. These things are his clan, anyone's talk of family, and unexpected kindness.

History (8 or more sentences): Starting as a kit, Kitsune was hassled because of his namesake, the fox. Ignorant cats though him to be in alliance with said animals, and his parents were thrown from the clan; however, he was kept as a.. 'present' to the clan. His mother fought for him and was killed by one of the various stronger cats.
As an apprentice, Kitsune was lead by a warrior that was found later to be the murderer of his mother. After the initial grief, he has had a tense atmosphere with the rest of the clan. In general, most try to ignore him. Now, Kitsune is a warrior for his clan, fighting to prove his worth in the world. He aspires to start his own clan, knowing the idea is far-fetched for someone like him.
Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Kitsune took careful steps into the camp, the soft sounds of paws padding and foliage rustling. At the distant sound of another, perhaps an enemy, he stopped to drop into a defensive stance.
"Show yourself, or I will be forced to attack." With no answer, Kitsune placed a white paw before him, stalking around the tree in a wide circle. "I suppose certain suicide is on your list-to-do?" When he finally spotted the cat, he froze in fear and wonder. It's been so long... so very long, and he had thought...
"Father?"

Comments (optional):

You still need one more sentence in personality, some capitalization errors, and some grammatical mistakes. =]
Bump when you are finished ^__^

[Kitsune]

Could someone be kind enough to point out where the errors are? I had my friend check over it and edited it once more.

[bruno.]

I'm sorry -- but if you are ready you will be able to find it. You can run it through Microsoft Word or something though.

[Kitsune]

Hm, I suppose I should be able to point it out. Though, if I were someone who regularly made these mistakes and had ran it through MS Word... I would get in too, ne?

[origami~]

(click to show/hide)

Character Name: Kitsune

Character Age: 7 Moons

Gender: Tom/male

Alliance: Shadow Clan

Rank: Deputy of Rogues and Kit Stealers

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Kitsune is a Blue Tabby with a grey pelt. White laces the coarse fur of this male, and he has dimmed amethyst eyes. Kitsune has a fox-like persona and face, with long black whiskers and a set of white paws. His tail and ears are tipped white as well, the only unusual color being his eyes and whiskers. This male has coarse, yet long fur, and no marks of battle to prove on his body as of yet. His claws are long, though when retracted they are barely peeking from his paws. There is a tuft of white fur on his tuft and ears. Kitsune's body is small, but not unhealthy or disproportionately so. 


Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):  Kitsune can be impatient with others, and can be overly critical of them, but he is indeed loyal to the Warrior Code. Calm until heavily provoked, this tom has a secret admiration for the arts. To those he respects and cares for, he is affectionate. He can be a cunning and agile figure, similar to the nature of a fox(His namesake) and is very egotistical.  Ever since he learned of his mother's killer, he has began to grow bitter towards older cats. He is this way towards them because he believes that they had kept the information from him.
---Likes (at least 3): Kitsune loves formalities, the arts, and engaging in battles.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): He holds a distaste for elders, other males, and dead silence.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): He holds strong ability in agility and strength, as well as having intelligence in battles.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): There are a few things that weaken his resolve, however. These things are his clan, anyone's talk of family, and unexpected kindness.

History (8 or more sentences): Starting as a kit, Kitsune was hassled because of his namesake, the fox. Ignorant cats though him to be in alliance with said animals, and his parents were thrown from the clan; however, he was kept as a.. 'present' to the clan. His mother fought for him and was killed by one of the various stronger cats.
As an apprentice, Kitsune was lead by a warrior that was found later to be the murderer of his mother. After the initial grief, he has had a tense atmosphere with the rest of the clan. In general, most try to ignore him. Now, Kitsune is a warrior for his clan, fighting to prove his worth in the world. He aspires to start his own clan, knowing the idea is far-fetched for someone like him.
Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Kitsune took careful steps into the camp, the soft sounds of paws padding and foliage rustling. At the distant sound of another, perhaps an enemy, he stopped to drop into a defensive stance.
"Show yourself, or I will be forced to attack." With no answer, Kitsune placed a white paw before him, stalking around the tree in a wide circle. "I suppose certain suicide is on your list-to-do?" When he finally spotted the cat, he froze in fear and wonder. It's been so long... so very long, and he had thought...
"Father?"

Comments (optional):

Microsoft word can detect spelling mistakes, not choppy sentences. It only serves to point out sentences that are incomplete and have small grammatical errors, nothing more. Spelling errors are a common mistake, and usually have nothing to do with the advanced level of the bio and the person who wrote it.

'Deputy of Rogues and Kit Stealers' isn't a rank in Shadowclan, so Warrior is probably the only available option.

You might also want to revise this sentence-

There is a tuft of white fur on his tuft and ears.

Bump when finished, please.

[Kitsune]

(click to show/hide)

Microsoft word can detect spelling mistakes, not choppy sentences. It only serves to point out sentences that are incomplete and have small grammatical errors, nothing more. Spelling errors are a common mistake, and usually have nothing to do with the advanced level of the bio and the person who wrote it.

'Deputy of Rogues and Kit Stealers' isn't a rank in Shadowclan, so Warrior is probably the only available option.

You might also want to revise this sentence-
Bump when finished, please.

I apologize~ I just happen to be VERY confused about my rank. There is a thread with someone telling me otherwise.. and... yeah. Anyway, Thank you, I would have never caught that. I was reading it how I thought I had put it down because the mind does that. This is why I could not understand why they would not help me.

[Mintyy~]

Hey Kitsune

You still have some grammar errors in your bio. Otherwise everything else looks great! Bump this once it's been done!

(click to show/hide)

Character Name: Kitsune

Character Age: 7 Moons

Gender: Tom/male

Alliance: Shadow Clan

Rank:Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Kitsune is a Blue Tabby with a grey pelt. White laces the coarse fur of this male, and he has dimmed amethyst eyes. Kitsune has a fox-like persona and face, with long black whiskers and a set of white paws. His tail and ears are tipped white as well, the only unusual color being his eyes and whiskers. This male has coarse, yet long fur, and no marks of battle to prove on his body as of yet. His claws are long, though when retracted they are barely peeking from his paws. There is a tuft of white fur on his chest and ears. Kitsune's body is small, but not unhealthy or disproportionately so. 


Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):  Kitsune can be impatient with others, and can be overly critical of them, but he is indeed loyal to the Warrior Code. Calm until heavily provoked, this tom has a secret admiration for the arts. To those he respects and cares for, he is affectionate. He can be a cunning and agile figure, similar to the nature of a fox(His namesake) and is very egotistical.  Ever since he learned of his mother's killer, he has begun to grow bitter towards older cats. He is this way towards them because he believes that they had kept the information from him. Also, Kitsune is known to be very shy when meeting kind people because he is at a loss on how to act.
---Likes (at least 3): Kitsune loves formalities, the arts, and engaging in battles.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): He holds a distaste for elders, other males, and dead silence.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): He holds strong ability in agility and strength, as well as having intelligence in battles.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): There are a few things that weaken his resolve, however. These things are his clan, anyone's talk of family, and unexpected kindness.

History (8 or more sentences): Starting as a kit, Kitsune was hassled because of his namesake, the fox. Ignorant cats though him to be in alliance with said animals, and his parents were thrown from the clan; however, he was kept as a.. 'present' to the clan. His mother fought for him and was killed by one of the various stronger cats.
As an apprentice, Kitsune was lead by a warrior that was found later to be the murderer of his mother. After the initial grief, he has had a tense atmosphere with the rest of the clan. In general, most try to ignore him. Now, Kitsune is a warrior for his clan, fighting to prove his worth in the world. He aspires to start his own clan, knowing the idea is far-fetched for someone like him.
Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Kitsune took careful steps into the camp, the soft sounds of paws padding and foliage rustling. At the distant sound of another, perhaps an enemy, he stopped to drop into a defensive stance.
"Show yourself, or I will be forced to attack." With no answer, Kitsune placed a white paw before him, stalking around the tree in a wide circle. "I suppose certain suicide is on your list-to-do?" When he finally spotted the cat, he froze in fear and wonder. It's been so long... so very long, and he had thought...
"Father?"

Comments (optional):

[Kitsune]

Should be done, now.
...At least I would hope so..

[Endless~Heights]

(click to show/hide)

Character Name: Kitsune

Character Age: 7 Moons

Gender: Tom/male

Alliance: Shadow Clan

Rank:Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences): Kitsune is a Blue Tabby with a grey pelt. White laces the course fur of this male, and he has dimmed amethyst eyes. Kitsune has a fox-like persona and face, with long black whiskers and a set of white paws. His tail and ears are tipped white as well, the only unusual color being his eyes and whiskers. This male has course, yet long fur, and no marks of battle to prove on his body as of yet. His claws are long, though when retracted they are barely peaking from his paws. There is a tuft of white fur on his chest and ears. Kitsune's body is small, but not unhealthy or disproportionately so. 


Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):  Kitsune can be impatient with others, and can be overly critical of them, but he is indeed loyal to the Warrior Code. Calm until heavily provoked, this tom has a secret admiration for the arts. To those he respects and cares for, he is affectionate. He can be a cunning and agile figure, similar to the nature of a fox(His namesake) and is very egotistical.  Ever since he learned of his mother's killer, he has begun to grow bitter towards older cats. He is this way towards them because he believes that they had kept the information from him. Also, Kitsune is known to be very shy when meeting kind people because he is at a loss on how to act.
---Likes (at least 3): Kitsune loves formalities, the arts, and engaging in battles.
--- Dislikes (at least 3): He holds a distaste for elders, other males, and dead silence.
---Strengths (No MORE than 5): He holds strong ability in agility and strength, as well as having intelligence in battles.
---Weaknesses (At least 3): There are a few things that weaken his resolve, however. These things are his clan, anyone's talk of family, and unexpected kindness.

History (8 or more sentences): Starting as a kit, Kitsune was hassled because of his namesake, the fox. Ignorant cats though him to be in alliance with said animals, and his parents were thrown from the clan; however, he was kept as a.. 'present' to the clan. His mother fought for him and was killed by one of the various stronger cats.
As an apprentice, Kitsune was led by a warrior that was found later to be the murderer of his mother. After the initial grief, he has had a tense atmosphere with the rest of the clan. In general, most try to ignore him. Now, Kitsune is a warrior for his clan, fighting to prove his worth in the world. He aspires to start his own clan, knowing the idea is far-fetched for someone like him.
Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Kitsune took careful steps into the camp, the soft sounds of paws padding and foliage rustling. At the distant sound of another, perhaps an enemy, he stopped to drop into a defensive stance.
"Show yourself, or I will be forced to attack." With no answer, Kitsune placed a white paw before him, stalking around the tree in a wide circle. "I suppose certain suicide is on your list-to-do?" When he finally spotted the cat, he froze in fear and wonder. It's been so long... so very long, and he had thought...
"Father?"

Comments (optional):

Approved ;]